About NVC
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a communication approach developed by psychologist Dr Marshall B Rosenberg in the 1960s designed to foster empathy, reduce conflict, and improve the quality of interactions by focusing on expressing needs and feelings in a constructive, honest and respectful way.
NVC offers practical tools for fostering empathy, clarity, and connection in interactions with others. The goal of NVC is to create compassionate connections and understanding, leading to cooperation and peaceful resolution of conflicts. By focusing on honest expression and focused listening, it enhances personal well- being and contributes to more harmonious relationships and communities.
Key Principles of NVC
Empathy
Understanding and acknowledging the feelings and needs of both yourself and others.
Honesty
Expressing yourself authentically and constructively without blame or criticism.
Mutual Respect
NVC emphasises listening and responding in ways that respect
everyone’s needs.
Non Judgement
Transforming our moral judgments about others' actions by focusing
on the impact of specific behaviours on the connection between us.
Key Benefits of NVC
Improved Relationships
-
Fosters better understanding and connection between individuals by encouraging clear, open, empathetic and respectful communication.
-
Encourages active listening and understanding of others' emotions and needs.
-
Builds trust and intimacy, enhances teamwork and strengthens personal and professional relationships.
-
Understanding children’s behaviour enhances parent/child relationships, reduces conflict and increases cooperation and harmony in the home.
Conflict Resolution
-
Provides tools to address disagreements constructively.
-
Reduces tensions and minimises misunderstandings leading to more cooperative and productive solutions in disagreements.
-
Shifts communication from adversarial to collaborative, making it easier to find win-win solutions.
Supporting Personal Growth and Emotional Intelligence
-
Practising NVC fosters self-reflection and helps individuals identify and express their emotions and needs clearly leading to improved self-awareness, reduced stress and growth in empathy, patience and understanding.
-
Encourages emotional resilience and regulation building enabling improved management of emotional responses.
-
Empowers individuals to advocate for their needs respectfully.
Empowered Communication
-
NVC empowers individuals to communicate their needs without fear of conflict or judgement. This confidence in expressing needs respectfully helps individuals navigate diIicult conversations and maintain personal boundaries.
-
Reduces aggressive and defensive reactions in conversations.
-
Clear communication enhances productivity by reducing errors and increasing efficiency.
Promoting Social Change
-
Contributes to cultural transformation and a more compassionate and understanding society.
-
In larger social or political contexts, NVC has been used as a tool for peaceful activism and mediation, helping communities address systemic issues non-violently and collaboratively.
Core Components of NVC - OFNR
Observations instead of interpretations
Focus on specific, objective behaviours or situations that are affecting you, without judgements or interpretations. This transforms blame into a conversations we can both agree on which prevents defensiveness. By sharing what is observable, you make it easier for the other person to understand you perspective.
Feelings: expressing feelings
Identify and express your emotions in response to the situation by naming what is happening for you internally. This allows you to take ownership of your feelings. Expressing your emotions clearly helps the other person understand the impact of their actions without feeling attacked.
Needs: identifying needs
Understand and communicate the needs or values that are important to you and are connected to how you feel now. All feelings arise from unmet or met needs. By articulating your needs, you help the other person see why you're feeling the way you do, fostering mutual understanding.
Requests: making requests
Ask for specific actions that would help meet your needs. These requests are a powerful way to create the relationships that care for everyone's needs, especially when actionable, positive, clear, and not demands. By making a request instead of a demand, you give the other person the opportunity to respond willingly rather than out of obligation or resentment. This encourages cooperation and mutual problem- solving.
How NVC Differs from Other Ways of Communicating
Avoids Blame or Criticism
NVC avoids using language that blames or criticises others.
Focuses on Needs, Not Solutions
NVC emphasises identifying the needs behind a conflict rather than jumping straight to solutions. Once both sides'needs are understood, solutions often arise naturally and collaboratively.
Non-Coercive Requests
NVC promotes non-coercive language. Requests are made with the understanding that others may decline, and any agreement should come from genuine willingness rather than fear or guilt.
Watch this video to see Marshall Rosenberg
presenting the core basics of NVC
THE GIRAFFE has the largest heart of any land animal so giraffe Language symbolises compassionate, empathic communication, speaking from the heart without blame or judgement e.g “Seeing the kitchen hasn’t been cleaned since dinner, I’m overwhelmed and would love some support with keeping the house clean. Could we find a way to share the chores?”
THE JACKAL represents more aggressive, defensive or manipulative forms of communication, the language of good and bad, right and wrong, seeking to control and coming from a place of anger fear or frustration e.g “You’re so lazy! You never help with anything around the house. I always have to clean up after you.”
Giraffe V Jackal Language
Marshall Rosenberg used giraffe and jackal imagery to differentiate between language that connects and language that separates, language that harms and language that heals.
The goal of NVC is to shift from using Jackal language to Giraffe language to improve relationships, resolve conflicts peacefully, and foster understanding.